Pom Poms er Pons

Merle here. I mean I have to be here if I’m not over there. Being an intellectual I have come across another puzzling aspect of man’s stupidity and being deeper than a toilet at Mile High Stadium I decided to investigate. I’m talking Pom pom’s here, which through exhaustive study I’ve already discovered they’re spelled Pom pon’s. It’s French so it also figures the idiots would miss-spell the damn word.

Now you’re probably wondering what got ole Merle a lookin into Pom pom’s, (American Spelling) so here’s the straight poop. I was watching the Saints, Cardinals game yesterday and the sideline cameraman kept on a photographing this gorgeous blond cheerleader. Well he held the camera so close to her God given talents that I was a countin freckles and curves . Now I admit, I was enjoying myself because when God created this girl, he was obviously in a good mood and since God’s a man, he’d indulged himself a bit. Well I was a sittin there a droolin when she kept on gettin them dumb, tassel things in the way of my high def viewing, if you get my drift. As a matter of fact, it was downright irritating!

Now this whole cheerleader thing leaves me a tad baffled. I mean even when I was in high school nobody paid any attention to what they were a yelling. So here, in this game, you have half dressed twenty year old babes and they’re out there a gyrating up a storm and they’re leading cheers? Give me a break! They’re leading men into sin and perdition maybe and the only sound ya hear is the drunken idiots in section ten singing “I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner, that is what I’d really like to be, cause if I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner,” well you get the idea. Ain’t nobody yelling “Go Team,” “Go Baby” maybe, but I’m figuring the crowd’s more “Offensive” than offensive, the sport version spelled here with your standard small B. Well the Pom pom’s kept on a getting in the way so I decided to oogle it, er ogle it, sorry, Google it! Here’s what I learned.

A pom-pon is, at its most basic level, a decorative ball of fluff. And the basic fluff gets in the way a lot I might add.

Cheerleaders using Pom-pons during a football halftime show.

See, the damn things can get in yer way!

Cheerleaders use pom-pons for a variety of reasons including attracting the attention of a crowd, (I guarantee you that ain’t what’s gettin the crowd’s attention) accentuating movements, (BS, they get in the way of movements) distracting an opposing team, (Pom pom’s ain’t what’s distracting the other team, see ta ta’s and return to previous square!) and adding an element of sparkle to a cheer, chant or cheer/dance routine, (Ole Merle will tell ya what adding the sparkle) especially at cheer competitions. Most often, pom-pons are used in pairs (Don’t get me started!) (one for each hand) by each cheerleader, but this may vary based on the particular requirements and choreography of a routine or cheer. In Australia, the term flogger is used rather than pompon. (That’s why I’m considering moving to Australia) The Aussies are a least honest if not sober.

So there you have it. Pom Pom’s are the stupidest thing ever conjured up by the mind of man. They may distract, but they distract from what’s important if you again get my drift. After a thorough study of the subject I can conclude they have zero functional purpose. Now, the twenty year old blonde’s a completely different story. Beam me up Scotty!