Just about the time you think you’ve seen the worst case of customer service, you ain’t seen nothing yet, “ESPECIALLY THE SERVICE! I opened my MasterCard bill yesterday and there was a charge for $29.99. The .99 cents is another story, I mean, oh gee thanks, you didn’t charge me thirty bucks. How nice, but then I digress. (Is that like depression?) The little problem was I didn’t use the product, hadn’t used the product, and wasn’t about to use the product there, WHY DID I GET CHARGED THE $29.99?
So I made a critical decision and decided I’d find out why they charged me for something I didn’t have. Well I first tried to see if I couldn’t get the answer by using my computer. I mean I’m getting pretty damn good on the contraption. I even learned how to book mark my favorite girlie sites! Well, they wanted my user ID and the product number in order for me to talk to anyone. Now that presented a small problem, BECAUSE I DIDN”T HAVE THEIR DAMN PRODUCT!!!! So I found the 800 number on the bill and called that.
Well what happened next would fit well with Obama’s new government health care program, specifically the department that figures it’s cheaper if you just killed yourself to save money. I got put on hold and listening to Elton John, only it sounded like he was singing under water. He’d start croonin and it sounded like he was gargling the song and then in the middle of the gargling some English gal’d come on and thank me for waiting and then she called me a “Query!” I’m not kiddin! I’m sittin there innocently listening to Elton John, that Elton John and she’s callin me “Query!” Well, I listened to Elton John gargle, Peter Gabriel gargle, Dianna Ross gargle, Billy Joel gargle all the while this English gal’d come on and thank me for waitin and tell me something about my “Query.” I was beginning to get a might pissed off!
Well this had gone on for fifteen minutes and I was so dad blamed mad I thought I’d spit up on myself. I mean I was listening to the Beatles gargle and they were gargling “The Long and Winding Road” and I had to pee and all of a sudden there was a person on the line and she sounded like a human being. I said in a very pleasant voice, “You people trying to kill me? I mean give me a knife and I’ll cut my throat right now after listening to the top twenty all time gargles?” (Thus I see value in this for getting rid of folks and savin on health care) Well of course she was trying to be nice and so she apologized and said “Give me your E-Mail address and tell me what can we do for you today?” So I start to give her my E-Mail address and I’m explainin away how nobody ought to be charged for something they don’t have and then it struck me like a ball peen hammer, I WAS TALKIN TO MYSELF! That’s right, after waitin over fifteen minutes to talk to a human; the human dropped the call to the complaining human.
Yup, you got it right! I had to call back in, listen to more gargling and the English woman kept saying the “Query” word over and over. As I was listening to “Queen?” gargling the Bohemian Rhapsody, (That was funnier than hell) another human popped onto the line and away we went. Well, long story short I got my money back, she apologized and was real nice up until I asked her what she was doing that evening and then informed me I wasn’t being called a name, that Query meant question. So I posed a query to her. “Why the hell don’t the English speak English?” She dropped my call. Another grand example of “Outstanding Service!” Now I’m going to the John and gargle myself to death.
So I made a critical decision and decided I’d find out why they charged me for something I didn’t have. Well I first tried to see if I couldn’t get the answer by using my computer. I mean I’m getting pretty damn good on the contraption. I even learned how to book mark my favorite girlie sites! Well, they wanted my user ID and the product number in order for me to talk to anyone. Now that presented a small problem, BECAUSE I DIDN”T HAVE THEIR DAMN PRODUCT!!!! So I found the 800 number on the bill and called that.
Well what happened next would fit well with Obama’s new government health care program, specifically the department that figures it’s cheaper if you just killed yourself to save money. I got put on hold and listening to Elton John, only it sounded like he was singing under water. He’d start croonin and it sounded like he was gargling the song and then in the middle of the gargling some English gal’d come on and thank me for waiting and then she called me a “Query!” I’m not kiddin! I’m sittin there innocently listening to Elton John, that Elton John and she’s callin me “Query!” Well, I listened to Elton John gargle, Peter Gabriel gargle, Dianna Ross gargle, Billy Joel gargle all the while this English gal’d come on and thank me for waitin and tell me something about my “Query.” I was beginning to get a might pissed off!
Well this had gone on for fifteen minutes and I was so dad blamed mad I thought I’d spit up on myself. I mean I was listening to the Beatles gargle and they were gargling “The Long and Winding Road” and I had to pee and all of a sudden there was a person on the line and she sounded like a human being. I said in a very pleasant voice, “You people trying to kill me? I mean give me a knife and I’ll cut my throat right now after listening to the top twenty all time gargles?” (Thus I see value in this for getting rid of folks and savin on health care) Well of course she was trying to be nice and so she apologized and said “Give me your E-Mail address and tell me what can we do for you today?” So I start to give her my E-Mail address and I’m explainin away how nobody ought to be charged for something they don’t have and then it struck me like a ball peen hammer, I WAS TALKIN TO MYSELF! That’s right, after waitin over fifteen minutes to talk to a human; the human dropped the call to the complaining human.
Yup, you got it right! I had to call back in, listen to more gargling and the English woman kept saying the “Query” word over and over. As I was listening to “Queen?” gargling the Bohemian Rhapsody, (That was funnier than hell) another human popped onto the line and away we went. Well, long story short I got my money back, she apologized and was real nice up until I asked her what she was doing that evening and then informed me I wasn’t being called a name, that Query meant question. So I posed a query to her. “Why the hell don’t the English speak English?” She dropped my call. Another grand example of “Outstanding Service!” Now I’m going to the John and gargle myself to death.
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