We'll Be Right Back

“We’ll be right back!” Jeez Louise I’m gettin sick and damn tired of those words. I got all worked up the other day cause my favorite football team, "Da Bears" was playing the pukes from Cincinnati. I settled myself onto the couch in my officialy logo’d Bear Snuggy, with a snoot of Jimmy Beam close by ready to watch “FOOTBALL!” Now listen closely brothers and sisters. “I turned the Boob tube on to watch Football.” I didn’t turn the damn thing on to watch commercials and promos about some dufus comedy that the supposed experts said was the funniest show ever. Yeah right and then it gets cancelled two weeks later on account watching paint dry was a lot funnier.

Anyways I took a sip of my Beam, settled back all comfy in my snuggy and then spent the next thirty minutes listening to several boobs goin on like they actually knew a thing or two about the game of football. Of course after each asinine comment the “Lead Boob” would promo a television show about Cross Dressing Christian Couples and then say, “We’ll be right back.” Unfortunately for me, he and his trio of “Boobettes” fulfilled their promise and they indeed came right back. Well, finally after six minutes of commercials, one where sexy girls floated up a guys nostril while he shaved and then another one where a guy my age talked about how you could give Mr. Winkie a drug and you’d get laid that very night and then finally a guy my age was a talkin about peeing too much THEY ACTUALLY KICKED THE DAMN FOOTBALL OFF AND SOMEBODY GOT TACKLED and then, then, then they broke for another commercial where I learned about feminine Hygiene and Beer that would attract beautiful half naked women and then finally, it was back to the game.

Well on the very first play the quarterback threw and incompletion and the “Color Guy" who was actually white said the ball was poorly thrown. Well damn, how’d he figure that one out seeings how it sailed five feet over the receivers head? On the very next play the tail back fumbled and, you guessed it, they said, “We’ll be right back.” Then I was treated to some guys messing with Sasquatch, a drug that’d probably kill ya if ya ever took it and a Taco Bell commercial that was promoting a hell of a lot more than taco’s. Why even ole Merle turned a tad pink in the face. I mean, women dressed in black promotin tacos? What's this world coming to? Then it was back to the football game, at least I think there was a game going on. So, after being treated to six replays of the dumb ass fumbling the football, the other team marches up to the line of scrimmage. Of course the quarterback didn’t like the play he had called so he immediately calls a time out and you guessed it, the magic words “We’ll be right back” were uttered and I was then treated to a laxative, a lizard selling insurance and Neanderthals bowling before it was back to the game where the idiot white colored guy told me the quarterback had been confused with the defense, that’s why he called a time out. DUH, Really?

I finally gave up, turned the damn game off and put my “Girls gone Wild” 3D video on and spent the rest of my Sunday afternoon marveling at the wonders of the fairer sex while I provided my own, highly insightful, commercial free commentary and not once did I say “We’ll be right back.” After all, I had the remote and all I had to do was just hit the damn pause button when we had to go to the John and I was the only one there, so there was no sense in tellin myself what I already knew. I knew I'd be right back. No sense beatin a dead horse! Beam me up Scotty!