Thursday, January 28, 2010

Five Hundred Pound Gorilla

Now as you’re all aware I’m an introspective, learned man so I tend to opine on whatever crosses my radar screen. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the “Cool Aid Crowd” blathering on about Global Warming or whether my hero Hulk Hogan’s just had another face lift, I’m gonna tell it like it is. So that brings me to the Massachusetts Senatorial election a week ago.


First of all, I’m damn glad I don’t live there. Can you imagine if you lived in Easthampton, Massachusetts? Hell, it’d take you a month of Sundays to write your damn return address on your monthly bills, but I digest. I’m talking about that Scott Brown feller, a Republican, winning a landslide in the most Socialist State in this here Union. Now I might not be from Harvard, as a matter of fact tenth grade was a bit of a challenge, but I’m guessing people were a tad riled up and wanted to send President Obama a message by voting for the guy that said he opposed everything Obama proposed. That’s what everybody with eye balls and a brain was saying.

Now don’t get me wrong, this here Obama feller’s probably a pretty smart puppy but I wouldn’t have voted for him cause he’s so left, he’s left of Louisville and that ain’t good. Now ole Merle doesn’t have a prejudiced bone in his highly muscular body and there are plenty of African American’s I’d have voted for in a heartbeat, just not this particular one. I mean when the Democrats start marching out guys like Al (The Sky Is Falling) Gore and Joe (Is My Mouth Open Again?) Biden you realize the white folks ain’t exactly got the market on Advanced DNA storage. But lordy, lordy when you walk into the room and there’s a five hundred pound Gorilla a standing there a lookin at ya, don’t look at your teleprompter and then look at me and tell me it’s a Chinchilla. It’s a standing there, it weighs five hundred pounds and it once starred in a movie with Faye Ray. It’s a Five Hundred Pound Gorilla, you ninny!

I mean do I have stupid written all over my face? Well maybe on my underwear, but I digest again. To sit there and look the American people in the eye and say, “Why it’s the same anger that got me elected a year ago,” means you’re either eating Moron pills or you recently touched a five thousand volt power line. IT’S A GORILLA, IT’S A GORILLA! When the number one Socialist State in the ole U.S. of A. flips you the bird you might want to maybe scratch your head or maybe even your butt and ponder that for a minute or two instead of acting like you’re a nincompoop. Us folks out here in God’s country like good ole fashioned straight talk and a little honesty goes a long ways. I mean if ole Barack keeps this up they’ll remove the Presidential Seal on his lectern and replace it with the Logo from the “Twilight Zone!” A butt kickin is a butt kickin, and it ain’t no massage! IT’S A GORILLA!

Oh, and one more thing while I’m at it. He needs to see a doctor and have that neck looked at. I guarantee you he’s in pain. I was a watchin him speak last night and he’d say something and arch his head to the right. Then, after he read the next sentence on the teleprompter he’d say it and arch his head directly to the left. Then he’d read a sentence and yup, you guessed her, he’d snap it to the right again. I’m tellin ya he’s in pain. Maybe the Gorilla had something to do with it? Beam me up Scotty!

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