Been reading again and my all time favorite athlete, Hulk Hogan, got his butt in a jam over some comments he made. You see his 49 year old wife up and sued his rear end for divorce and half of his fifty million bucks. Then she started runnin around with some idiot twenty year old and getting her jollys if you catch my drift. Well, he went and popped off and said he understood how OJ felt and that he’s a tad compelled to murder a few dozen folks including the Mrs. I mean when someone says they understand OJ, there’s a wire loose somewheres. OJ was a lunatic and now the Hulkster’s trying to channel the backseat of the white Bronco again.
Here’s what concerns me. If you ever got punched in the mouth by Andre the Giant on a weekly basis you’d have a screw loose too. I mean getting popped over the head with a aluminum chair every night on TV leaves a few dents, not to mention them there psychological indentations. It don’t matter that for twenty years after getting beat up every night during a wrestlin match, ole Hulk would hear the crowd shout for him, he'd pump his fist and then win the match providing the dumb ass crooked referee wasn’t on the take. Eventually, the manly art of kickin villain’s asses on a nightly basis is going to take its personal toll. So, I’ve "Twittered" him and offered to sit down and talk some sense to him on account I happen to be sensible. I’d be a lot cheaper than them other folks too. Buy me a couple of Jimmy Beams, throw in an autographed photo with him and that half naked Lila the Lil Tigress wrestlin gal and scratch me a check for twenty grand and he’d be on his way to good mental health!
Now here’s what I’d tell this living legend. I’d say, “Hulk, for God sakes have you looked at your Ex-wife lately? You ain’t missin nothing on account she looks like “Dog the Bounty Hunter’s” twin sister. Christ she’d crack a mirror if she looked it straight on. Let the twenty year old knucklehead have her and you get yerself a good crooked lawyer and he’ll make sure she gets only ten percent of the fifty million or something like that. That way she gets five million, six max and you’re still loaded.” That’s just for starters. I’d then get him on a computer and we'd pull up the Hooters Girls calendar and I'd let him get a gander at that. I mean if you got forty plus million in the bank, you can have your very own Hooter’s Girl and that’s light years ahead of what he’s got right now. I’m tellin ya, it’s them chairs across the noggin that’s causin him to think this way.
Then there’s the revenge factor. Why kill that twenty year old yahoo when he could end up married to your ugly Ex-wife, thus clearing the decks for you and he’d be condemned to a life of holy hell havin to face that mug every morning. Hell, he might even just shoot hisself rather than continue the daily torture. And let me point out one more darn thing here as I think this important matter over. She also claims that he, “The Hulkster” flies into "Fits of Fury" on account he takes over $20,000 in steroids, human growth hormone and Viagra a month and they make him “Horny and just plain Crazed!” Well, that’s an obvious lie for crap sakes. I know at least five guys down at the Blue Chip Tap that are “Horny and Crazed” every damn night and that’s before they even drink their second beer. Me? You get four Jimmy Beams in me and its launch time for my very own personal “Horny and Crazed” trip down mammary lane and lets not even talk about that Viagra crap! Ole Merle's naturally "Horny and Crazed!" I guess you could say I'm environmentally friendly! Hulk, I feel your pain baby, “Tweet” me and I’ll save yer ass! Beam me up Scotty!
Here’s what concerns me. If you ever got punched in the mouth by Andre the Giant on a weekly basis you’d have a screw loose too. I mean getting popped over the head with a aluminum chair every night on TV leaves a few dents, not to mention them there psychological indentations. It don’t matter that for twenty years after getting beat up every night during a wrestlin match, ole Hulk would hear the crowd shout for him, he'd pump his fist and then win the match providing the dumb ass crooked referee wasn’t on the take. Eventually, the manly art of kickin villain’s asses on a nightly basis is going to take its personal toll. So, I’ve "Twittered" him and offered to sit down and talk some sense to him on account I happen to be sensible. I’d be a lot cheaper than them other folks too. Buy me a couple of Jimmy Beams, throw in an autographed photo with him and that half naked Lila the Lil Tigress wrestlin gal and scratch me a check for twenty grand and he’d be on his way to good mental health!
Now here’s what I’d tell this living legend. I’d say, “Hulk, for God sakes have you looked at your Ex-wife lately? You ain’t missin nothing on account she looks like “Dog the Bounty Hunter’s” twin sister. Christ she’d crack a mirror if she looked it straight on. Let the twenty year old knucklehead have her and you get yerself a good crooked lawyer and he’ll make sure she gets only ten percent of the fifty million or something like that. That way she gets five million, six max and you’re still loaded.” That’s just for starters. I’d then get him on a computer and we'd pull up the Hooters Girls calendar and I'd let him get a gander at that. I mean if you got forty plus million in the bank, you can have your very own Hooter’s Girl and that’s light years ahead of what he’s got right now. I’m tellin ya, it’s them chairs across the noggin that’s causin him to think this way.
Then there’s the revenge factor. Why kill that twenty year old yahoo when he could end up married to your ugly Ex-wife, thus clearing the decks for you and he’d be condemned to a life of holy hell havin to face that mug every morning. Hell, he might even just shoot hisself rather than continue the daily torture. And let me point out one more darn thing here as I think this important matter over. She also claims that he, “The Hulkster” flies into "Fits of Fury" on account he takes over $20,000 in steroids, human growth hormone and Viagra a month and they make him “Horny and just plain Crazed!” Well, that’s an obvious lie for crap sakes. I know at least five guys down at the Blue Chip Tap that are “Horny and Crazed” every damn night and that’s before they even drink their second beer. Me? You get four Jimmy Beams in me and its launch time for my very own personal “Horny and Crazed” trip down mammary lane and lets not even talk about that Viagra crap! Ole Merle's naturally "Horny and Crazed!" I guess you could say I'm environmentally friendly! Hulk, I feel your pain baby, “Tweet” me and I’ll save yer ass! Beam me up Scotty!
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